Dear GiGi,

My boyfriend is on a low-carb diet, so all he eats is meat, meat, and more meat. Trouble is, this makes him fart all the time, and our house totally smells like ass. I can’t keep holding my nose and spraying Febreze everywhere — what advice do you have?

Suffering the Stink in San Francisco

Dear Stink,

As you may know, I’m a Boston, therefore I come from a long and proud lineage of “wind talkers.” Maybe instead of seeing your boyfriend’s offerings as a negative, turn that smell upside down and what do you get? Llems. Not sure what that means, but I think you get the point.

Pfffffff,

Dear GiGi,

I work at a dog-friendly office. When I bring my dog in, she has a habit of skootching her butt across the floor as if she had an itch, but I’ve never seen her do this anywhere else.

My dog has been to many other offices, homes, etc., and I’ve never seen her skootch there. Is there a smell or pheromone from the other dogs at the office that’s causing this?

Embarrassed on Townsend Street

Dear Embarrassed,

It’s funny: If you break your name down, it kinda describes your problem. “I’m-bare-ASSed.” Double entendre? I gotta look that up.

Here’s the deal: I’m gonna let you in on a secret, but let’s keep it between us. (I’m getting slack at the park from my tell-alls.) Humans want there to be some “instinctual, animalistic reason” why we do the things we do, but there isn’t!

If I have an itch, I’m gonna scratch it. It’s not me telling you I’m honing in on my ancestors’ need to hunt burrow owls — it’s just an itch!

If your dog is skootching in your office and there are other dogs around, $10 says she was dared to do it! It freaked you out, right, and got a good laugh?? That’s what I thought.

Btw, I want my $10 back! I didn’t think she’d really do it.

Hugs and skootches,

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