Ask GiGi: Will My Dog Be Mad If I Get a Boyfriend?

GiGi the Boston Terrier dispenses tough love advice to people (and pups) with relationship trouble. Caution: This is one sassy little bitch.


Dear GiGi,

I sleep with my dog. Not in the carnal sense, obviously (ew!), although he is the only man in my life right now!

I worry how my dog will feel when I find another guy to share the covers with. Will my pup be jealous that he’s no longer number one? He already growls at me when I use my laptop in bed.

It’s a One-Dog Night

Dear Dogged at Night,

I fail to see the problem. I’m a firm believer in “I was there first!” as well as the two-week-plus-infinity rule for any food that falls on the floor. If a new man is coming into OUR life, he needs to convince me that 1.) he is worthy of my pillow and 2.) Thanks, you’ll be the one letting me out at 4 a.m., buddy. 😉

We dogs have an arsenal of tricks that are no match for a new guy trying to make a good impression. If I find myself “displaced” from MY bed, I start slowly with a sigh and move on to a whimper, all the while looking my most pathetic while “just trying to get warm.” He may see through my tricks, but she’ll be blinded by cuteness and guilt.

Guys, here’s a tip — don’t even try to compete with the dog. Look who’s still here!

Dear GiGi,

One of my friends has created a Facebook page for her cat. It’s kinda cute, but she’s getting a bit bossy about it, and now she’s demanding that I make a page for my cat, too — who has never even met her cat — so they can be “in a relationship.” I’m nuts about my kitty, but I think this is going too far. How do you feel about pets on Facebook?

Not Going to “Like” Mr. Fuzzypeg

Dear Not Fuzzypeg,

I can see why cats like Facebook. They’re good at pretending for a moment to like a bunch of cats they actually can’t stand. They perch high atop their weird carpet houses and “like” posts they end up mocking in ironic YouTube spoofs. Dogs, on the other hand, use Facebook to beg for acceptance and find a source of constant praise. (Hey, I never said we didn’t have our issues.)

But as far as Peggyfuzz goes, I can say with complete canine confidence that her owner is a froot loop who clearly maxed out her human FB friends at 11 and is trying to live vicariously through Fuzzelpeg.

Peggilfizz, if you can hear me — make a break for it! I’m sure the other 12 cats will keep this gal company.

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