I talk to my dogs, and they respond — in my head, anyway. We chat from sunup through lights-out about a variety of important topics: climate change, Upstairs Downstairs vs. Downton Abbey, and the rising cost of kibble, just to name a few.
Five more-mundane conversations also take place between Dolly, Spot, and myself (almost) daily:
Conversation No. 1
Me: “Time to get up!”
Dolly: “Five more minutes.”
Spot: “Zzzzzzzzzz.”
Me: “Come on, pups. Walk, then breakies.”
Dolly: “Yawwwwwwwn.”
Spot: “Zzzzzzzzzz.”
Me: “Seriously, let’s go. Time to earn the kibble.”
Dolly: “Fine. Just let me stretch for a minute … or two.”
Spot: “Zzzzzzzzzz.”
Me: “Sigh.”
Actions speak louder than words when it comes to getting my dogs out of bed. Many mornings, I am halfway down the stairs before I hear them shake themselves awake and finally begin to follow.
Conversation No. 2
Me: “Dolly! Spot does not need help finishing his food.”
Dolly: “Are you sure?”
Spot: “Nom nom nom.”
Me: “Positive.”
Dolly: “Even the pieces he pushes out of the bowl? Because those really should be up for grabs.”
Spot: “Nom nom nom.”
Me: “They are not.”
Dolly: “Fine. Don’t come crying to me about your dirty kitchen floor, then.”
Spot: “Nom nom nom.”
Me: “I won’t. Promise.”
Conversation No. 3
Me: “Ignore the approaching dog.”
Dolly: “I WANT TO MEET THAT DOG!”
Spot: “I WANT TO EAT THAT DOG!”
Me: “Alrighty. Let’s go this way instead.”
Dolly: “I STILL WANT TO MEET THAT DOG!”
Spot: “I STILL WANT TO EAT THAT DOG!”
Me: “I cannot wait until we start working with the new trainer.”
Dolly: “Wait … what new trainer?”
Spot: “WHY WON’T YOU LET ME EAT THAT DOG?!”
Me: “The one we have an appointment with next week.”
Dolly: “You do realize that this new trainer will blame you for our bad behavior.”
Spot: “What are you guys talking about?”
Me: “Our new trainer. And, yes, I know my lack of control and consistency contributes to your on-leash aggression. He will train me, too. Not to worry.”
Conversation No. 4
Me: “Wow. That was quite the stinker.”
Dolly: “Passing gas is a natural biological function.”
Spot: “What she said.”
Me: “Must you fart in my general direction, though?”
Dolly: “Must you quote Monty Python, again?”
Spot: “Good one.”
Me: “I’ll stop quoting Monty Python when you stop aiming farts at me.”
Conversation No. 5
Me: “I love you, Dolly.”
Dolly: “Back at ya, soul sister.”
Me: “I love you, Spot.”
Spot: “Kisses!”
Me [contented]: “Sigh.”
Do you converse with your pups? Must you always get the last word in, like me? Please share your conversations in the comments below!
