5 Stupid Questions I Ask My Dogs on a Daily Basis

When I ask Spot a dumb question, I get "the look." Come to think of it, I get a lot of those.


I am constantly asking my dogs questions. Spot and Dolly respond through body language and thought bubbles, and they do not hesitate to point out when a query qualifies as stupid.

Here are five dumb questions I ask my dogs daily — complete with photographic evidence of the looks they give me, which pretty much say it all.

1. “Are you ready to get up?”

Spot and Dolly snuggle up with me each night, only getting out of bed once I have made it clear the day must begin. The process of waking them starts with this question. The pups are usually asleep when I ask it.

Spot thought bubble: “Zzz … Zzz … Zzz … Zzz … Zzz … Zzz … Zzz … Zzz … Zzz … Zzz … Zzz … Zzz … Zzz … Zzz … Zzz …”

Dolly thought bubble: “Seeing as how I have presented to you my belly for rubbing, the answer should be obvious: no.”

2. “Do you want to go outside?”

We do not have a doggy door in our current home, but we do have patio doors leading to a large, fenced-in backyard. Spot would stay outside all day if he could, but with the weather growing hotter, I have stopped leaving a door open for him to come and go as he pleases. Spot sits patiently by the doors, waiting for me to sense his need. If I dare ask the above question, I get this look.

Spot thought bubble: “Of course I want to go outside. Why else would I be standing here, looking longingly at that shady patch on the lawn?”

3. “Must you sniff every single blade of grass on the block?”

Some days, I adhere to our training and move Spot and Dolly briskly down the street during our walks. On others, we take a leisurely stroll, taking in the sights, sounds, and smells of the neighborhood. I ask this question if we take too long on a block.

Dolly thought bubble: “How many times do I have to explain this to you: Yes, I must sniff every single blade of grass. For example, the yappy Yorkie the next street over pees on this particular spot knowing full well that I already peed on it. I WILL HAVE THE LAST PEE!”

4. “Do you want me to throw your ball?”

As I have mentioned before, Spot has a bit of a fetch addiction. One of the ways I help him overcome this obsession involves asking the above question. I also make him sit before throwing the ball for him to chase. He does not like this treatment plan one bit.

Spot thought bubble: “Do I want you to throw the ball? Why else would I put it on your chair, and then stare at you, and then stare at the ball, and then stare at you, and OH FOR THE LOVE OF GAH THROW THE BALL!”

5. “Do you want a treat?”

Dolly and Spot regularly test treats for Dogster, from fish skins and lamb lung to peanut butter-bacon frozen yogurt. They don’t mind one bit, which makes this particular question a particularly stupid one in their opinion.

Dolly thought bubble: “When have I ever turned down a treat? Why do you bother asking?”

Spot thought bubble: “You do turn down apples!”

Dolly thought bubble: “Apples are not treats. Treats stink. Apples don’t stink. How can you say apples are a treat?”

Spot thought bubble: “Fine by me. That just means I get twice as many apples.”

Let’s hear from you, readers? What questions do you ask your dogs daily? Are any of them dumb? Are your pups smartypaws like mine? Please share in the comments!

Looking for more stories about the lighter side of pet parenting? Check these out:

1 thought on “5 Stupid Questions I Ask My Dogs on a Daily Basis”

  1. I ran across this article and it reminds me of my life. I have an older lab and an older 1\2 min dachshund. The other 1/2 is terrier, poodle, Pomeranian, etc. and yes, I had her DNA tested. I ask my dogs the same questions. I also explain to them what I am doing, like going to the dryer to put cloths in, and going to take a shower. I think they know what this means by now because they don’t bother to get off the bed for these kinds of things.

    My small dog has trained me to follow her herding commands.
    They make me get up and then I walk toward the kitchen which has their food, treats, freezer (for frozen vegetables, and frig which has carrots, lettuce stems, etc) and the back door. I walk so far, and if I have chosen the wrong way, she will get in front of me and curl her body to stop me. This goes on until I have chosen the thing they want.

    They have also taught me a lot of sign language. A certain look with her feet up on the couch or beside the bed means she needs to potty. Or a stop by the food dish, and with a look at the bowl and then back at me to tell me the food dish is empty. They do everything together and look at each other to verify they need the same thing when they are asking.

    Dogs will answer your questions. They will also teach you things you don’t even know you are learning until later.

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