Every year, pet hospitals, insurance companies, and the like dole out their lists of the top dog and cat names of the year, because they have the data and everyone loves a good dog name story. This year, Banfield Pet Hospital cranked up the spreadsheet program and spat out its yawwwwwn top pet names list based on the 2.5 million Banfield Pet Hospital clients.

Here we& yawwwwwn go:

1. Bella
2. Max
3. Buddy
4. Daisy
5. Coco
6. Lucy
7. Bailey
8. Charlie
9. Molly
10. Rocky

Fascinating, no? Not really, no. These names are sort of boring, actually. Bella, after Twilight? Max, after every kid with hipster parents? Buddy, like my uncle who could never remember my name?

Fortunately, this list was not the end of the pet hospital’s merry-making. Apparently, a new hire at Banfield, a brilliant kid who didn’t like rules and $9.99 burgers, sat down at the computer station when everyone had gone off to lunch at Applebee’s one day and whispered to himself, “What if we press this button … here.”

He pressed the button. And the computer rumbled and churned and burped and barked and after what seemed like an eternity (Windows 95), out spat one of the most glorious year-end lists we’ve ever seen: The strangest pet names of 2013.

Take a look:

1. Leonardo Da Poochie
2. Luke Grasswalker
3. Darth Baine Von Chicken Nugget
4. Chubs Carpoochi
5. Smashy Von Chickensnacks
6. Captain Huggy Pants
7. Pouncer Von Thunderpaws
8. Mr. Montgomery Mittens
9. Binx, “The Great Fatsby”
10. Tobethius Mcsnugglepants

Nice work, you stranger Banfield Pet Hospital clients! Any one of those dogs could brighten your day, but we can’t help imagining the whole pack of them frolicking together at some magical dog park in Teletubbies country:

And so it was that Leonardo Da Poochie and Luke Grasswalker gamboled in the field with fierce Pug Darth Baine Von Chicken Nugget, while Chubs Carpoochi and Smashy Von Chickensnacks traded happy woofs with Captain Huggy Pants and Pouncer Von Thunderpaws. Mr. Montgomery Mittens, surveying the scene, woofed his approval, while Binx,“The Great Fatsby,” the elusive Bernese, carefully nosed over to Tobethius Mcsnugglepants, the slender, shy Greyhound who was his one and true love, and laid a Milk-Bone at her feet. And so another sun set on Doggyfun Mountain.

In other news, Banfield Pet Hospital saw twice as many dogs named “North” or “North West” compared with 2012, after Kim Karsdashian and Kanye West’s baby boy.

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