Sunday is National Lazy Day. If you are reading this while sacked out on the couch, that’s the spirit. Get a jump on the national day of doing nothing, which has nowhere near the attention of some of our larger holidays, because, man, that sounds like a lot of work.
We ask you to cast your eye around your home — if you can do that without turning your head, all the better — and let your gaze fall upon your dog. Is she celebrating the holiday as you are? Do you have a lazy dog? Don’t tax your brain trying to figure it out for yourself. Take our quiz! Feel free to anwser some, none, or all of the questions; feel free to doze off; feel free to let your eye rest on this sentence, here, for as long as you like. We plan to have lunch early and then maybe head home.
Do you have a lazy dog?
To determine if you have a lazy dog, just complete our quiz:
- Is your dog sleeping?
- If your dog is not sleeping, is she trying to get to sleep?
- Is she asleep now?
- If she is not asleep, is she deeply relaxing or otherwise splayed out?
- Is she asleep now?
- Does your dog watch the tennis ball you threw and make no move to go after it?
- Does she respond to your entreaties to get the ball by closing her eyes?
- Does she respond to your entreaties to get the ball by yawning?
- When your dog yawns, do you find you are often impressed by the girth of the yawn and the size of her mouth?
- Can you fit a softball into her mouth when she yawns, because dayum that’s a big yawn?
- Is your dog asleep now?
- Has your dog moved in the past hour?
- Three hours?
- Six hours?
- If your dog has moved, did she move like an inch?
- Four inches?
- A foot?
- Do you sometimes crouch down next to your dog and wonder if she is breathing?
- Because isn’t this like a six-hour nap?
- What dog takes a six-hour nap?
- What, is she a cat?
- Does she ever seem to be about to get up and move around but then seems to change her mind and instead flops her head back down and sleeps for another hour?
- Have you ever watched a squirrel just waltz by your reclining dog in the backyard, easy as you please, because both the dog and the squirrel knows that nobody is getting chased on this property anytime soon.
- Does your dog ever lie down next to her bowl, mid-dinner, because dayum all this chewing is hard?
- Is she asleep now?
- Is she asleep now?
- How about now?
- Does your dog celebrate finding a new sleeping spot by sleeping until Tuesday?
- If you dog has fleas, does she just look at the fleas and sigh?
- Does your dog sleep standing up? Sitting down? Walking?
- Is she asleep now?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, then yes! You have a lazy dog. You’re going to have the best National Lazy Day. Better gets some sleep to prepare.
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