Yours truly prefers to avoid the prattling nonsense of celebrities who aren’t cats and dogs, but lately my newsfeed has blown up with the faces of two people I’d rather not see. Their names are Lady Gaga and Perez Hilton — two folks who’ve made a living off of being outrageous. (Though I’d say that one is more legitimate than the other — I think you can guess who.)
Apparently the two were once best friends forever, meeting each other while attending school in New York. As Lady Gaga’s career gained momentum, the celebrity gossip blogger used his Internet platform to praise the artistic musician who’s made a name for herself by not ever wearing pants (she’s got a bit of Donald Duck syndrome). Recently, however, the R.S.S. Friendship has hit an iceberg called Publicity Stunt, and the ship is taking on water — and fast. The two have been embroiled in some sort of Twitter feud, with Hilton hating on Gaga’s latest single, “Applause.” Things escalated when, according to Gaga, Hilton showed up at her apartment building in New York (while she was in Los Angeles). His presence was supposedly confirmed by someone working at the apartment, but this is all according to Twitter, so who the heck knows. (I guess he’s moving to New York and Gaga’s apartment was on a list of prospective housing.)
Stalking is very serious business, folks, but I smell a rat, which is exactly the kind of cologne I hear Hollywood manager-types wear in Los Angeles.
But what I want to know is: WHAT ABOUT THE DOGS?! WON’T SOMEONE THINK OF THE DOGS?!
Hilton has a Goldendoodle named Teddy. Gaga has a little Cockapoo named Fozzi.
I imagined what a conversation between them would be like:
“Hey, Teddy!”
“Yes, Fozzi?”
“Have you heard about this latest ‘feud’ between our owners?”
“It smells phony.”
“You’ve always had a good nose for that.”
“Well, one develops a good nose for it when hanging out with you-know-who.”
“You’re telling me!”
“I wish everyone in Hollywood would stop being so mean. Be more like us dogs, you know? Accepting of everyone.”
“Yeah, but we’re also really adorable. Oh poop, here come the humans, gotta act natural and get off the phone.”
“Talk to you later — can’t wait for this whole thing to be over. By the way … Teddy?”
“Yes, Fozzi?”
“Do you really think my human’s single sucks?”
“I dunno, man, I’m a dog. It all sounds the same to me.”
“Hahah, you’re totally right. Adios!”
And yes, thinking of imaginary conversations between dogs is what I do in my spare time.
But I don’t know … do you think it’s a publicity stunt? Is Hilton stalking Gaga? Are either of them even relevant anymore? Whose team are you on?
In the meantime, here’s a song about frenemy-ship that also sports Andy Warhol references:
Top images by s_bukley via Shutterstock.com
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