A company called Pet Photo Fun is offering video tributes of departed pets, utilizing pictures of dogs and cats and transforming them into memorial videos.
We can get behind that. It might nice to watch now and then, when you’d like to have a tender moment with your old friend.
But what if your dog in the memorial video suddenly started talking — you know, using human words and all, about at the level of a 32-year-old. That way, your dog would be talking to you from doggy heaven, in your memorial video.
Talking?
And also singing! After talking for a little bit, your dog would start singing a little song about his time in doggy heaven — think of me often, cry tears of joy, that sort of thing. It’s called “Think of Me and Smile.”
My dog sings?
You got it. And his voice would be the sort of high-pitched humanoid squeal that you most certainly never imagined your dog would use, if you ever imagined the singing voice of your dog. You dog on helium, as it were.
Helium?
All for only $60! Your dead dog would also wink.
Huh. So this is really a thing?
Behold:
That. Was. Amazing.
Perhaps you don’t agree — watching your dead dog sing to you in a helium voice being a niche market and all. But before you go on in the comments about how silly this all is, take a moment to read the company’s response. PetPhotoFun, stung by recent criticism from Dangerous Minds, plastered this message to haters atop its pet memorial photovid page, using the same punctuation style as my mother:
MAY WE OFFER A FRIENDLY WELCOME TO OUR VISITORS FROM DANGEROUS MINDS. IF YOU ARE VISITING THIS PAGE TO MOCK THE SUBJECT MATTER ,,,FEEL FREE TO DO SO. WE DO WHAT WE DO FOR PET LOVERS,,,AND SO WE PAY LITTLE ATTENTION TO NEGATIVE COMMENTS. HOWEVER,,,,WE WOULD ASK THAT, EVEN IF YOU DON’T AGREE WITH US, YOU MIGHT HAVE SYMPATHY FOR THOSE WHO HAVE LOST A PET. FOR A GREAT MAJORITY OF PET LOVERS,,,,LOSING THEIR PET IS LIKE LOSING A FAMILY MEMBER. THANK YOU !
So can it, haters. Have some sympathy for the people who used to own that dead dog singing in a helium voice. You could be next person ordering a video ($60 with talking; $30 for just the song), so keep it civil over there.
Here’s a montage of dead singing pets to take us out:
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