A company on Etsy is selling “butt covers” for dogs, which allow you to cover your dog’s anus with any number of fanciful designs: a flower, a heart, a cupcake, a star, a disco ball, the radioactivity symbol.
[pushes away computer, stands up, stares quietly out window]
[returns to computer, sighs]
On the Etsy site, it says, “Is your pet feeling left in the dirt because of his/her unsightly rear? I’ve got them covered.”
On the website, it says, “Rear Gear is a fun and enchanting way of covering your pet’s rear while boosting their confidence!”
On my fire extinguisher it says, “Pull pin in order to use.”
By now you’re scrambling over furniture for your wallet and praying these butt covers aren’t all sold out, but you face a quandary: Which design to choose? We can help. We’ve spent two and a half minutes thinking about the designs. Let’s break them down one by one.
- Star design: May hit too close to home, as in certain angles the anus does in fact resemble a star. I’m sorry for that, and for all this.
- Dice: Dice traditionally adorn a rearview mirror. Get it? They’re also used to play craps. A+ design. Really good work, people.
- Blue ribbon: Of all the parts on a dog, the anus gets the blue ribbon? Have fun explaining that when grandma visits.
- The flower: Careful, we’re getting into Story of O territory here! I’m sorry; please stop reading now.
- Smiley face: Sorry, Miley Cyrus bought all of these, and she doesn’t even have a dog! (Oh right, she has a bunch of them.)
- Heart: Isn’t Anusheart the name of your nephew’s band? I hope you stopped reading earlier.
- Radioactive symbol: Finally your dog’s farts will become the party joke you always want them to be.
- Disco ball: If you turn out the lights and shine a flashlight right on your dog’s anus, it sparkles. Go ahead, try it.
- Cupcake: A classy way to announce to your guests that dessert is served.
The butt covers are handmade in Portland, Oregon. I just love that.
Of course, Rear Gears aren’t entirely serious — they’ve been around a while, and the Etsy site says it’s a novelty product “not intended for everyday use.” Most people buy them as gag gifts. Still, scrolling through the reviews, every so often you hit a winner:
“I have a Whippet, and I couldn’t get it to stay. Cute idea though!”
Via the Daily Dot
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